Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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