Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
