Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you win again, gameday.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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