how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
