After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
