I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.