I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am