Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
theres a video...