Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.