before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She's like a pop up book from hell.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.