you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
she told me i tasted like america
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.