Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.