Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake