I accidentally had phone sex last night
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize