just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
