Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
