I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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