then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
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I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
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Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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