i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
