remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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