Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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