I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
fuck your aforementioned shoe
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
