I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
