just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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