let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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