dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
