I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
