The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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