I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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