oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
