I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
