So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
