her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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