just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
