Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
