I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
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