I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
