No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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