Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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