Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
