Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
