Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
