dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
