ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
