their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
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