I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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