I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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