dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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