**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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