Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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