A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
