You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
