i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
