Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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