That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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