My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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