she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
