At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
