I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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