If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
