once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
