I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize