worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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