She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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