the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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