I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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