It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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