either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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