Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
