You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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