dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
